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A Little Bit More On Narcissism
Apr. 24th, 2026 08:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
poliphilo The orthodoxy seems to be that narcissism arises out of childhood trauma but I was listening to a woman yesterday who was saying "Rubbish!". She also said don't comfort yourself with the belief that the narcissist is hurting inside because some of them are having a wonderful time.
Personally, I don't think you can categorise human behaviour. Or at least, while it can be useful to put people into categories a point will come where the filing system breaks down. Like I'm a librarian and here's a book that features an Elf detective solving cases in the greenwood- so what shelf do I put it on- Crime or Fantasy?
I think narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people are just a bit narcissistic and some are full blown. The current US President takes it into the realm of caricature. I doubt anyone is entirely free of the syndrome. I mean, we all like getting our own way, don't we?
Again I believe you can outgrow it. I look at my behaviour as a young man and think, "That was pretty controlling." However, I'm not like that now....
Why was I so controlling? Because the world was well scary and I needed allies. And if my chosen allies didn't entirely see things my way I tried to bend them to my will. In my case narcissism rose out of Fear- and if I'm no longer narcissistic it's because I've stopped being afraid.....
Personally, I don't think you can categorise human behaviour. Or at least, while it can be useful to put people into categories a point will come where the filing system breaks down. Like I'm a librarian and here's a book that features an Elf detective solving cases in the greenwood- so what shelf do I put it on- Crime or Fantasy?
I think narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people are just a bit narcissistic and some are full blown. The current US President takes it into the realm of caricature. I doubt anyone is entirely free of the syndrome. I mean, we all like getting our own way, don't we?
Again I believe you can outgrow it. I look at my behaviour as a young man and think, "That was pretty controlling." However, I'm not like that now....
Why was I so controlling? Because the world was well scary and I needed allies. And if my chosen allies didn't entirely see things my way I tried to bend them to my will. In my case narcissism rose out of Fear- and if I'm no longer narcissistic it's because I've stopped being afraid.....
Girl Genius for Friday, April 24, 2026
Apr. 24th, 2026 04:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
girlgenius_main_feedThe Girl Genius comic for Friday, April 24, 2026 has been posted.
Narcissism
Apr. 23rd, 2026 08:35 ampoliphilo I thought I'd research Narcissism- and suddenly Youtube was throwing all sorts of stuff at me. "How to spot a narcissist", "Things narcissists hate", "Narcissists want to kill you". Ooo er! Seems like narcissists are as common as daisies in an unmown lawn.
Only not as pretty.
I suppose I must have encountered the little buggers before now without realising it. Ailz says her mother was a narcissist. Yes, that fits.
They want to absorb you like the Abzorbaloff played by Peter Kay in that episode of Dr Who everyone hates. The thing to do is to refuse engagement. Don't argue, don't apologise, don't give an inch. Hold fast to your own truth but don't bother to explain it because they won't be listening.
Basically they can all just fuck off.
Only not as pretty.
I suppose I must have encountered the little buggers before now without realising it. Ailz says her mother was a narcissist. Yes, that fits.
They want to absorb you like the Abzorbaloff played by Peter Kay in that episode of Dr Who everyone hates. The thing to do is to refuse engagement. Don't argue, don't apologise, don't give an inch. Hold fast to your own truth but don't bother to explain it because they won't be listening.
Basically they can all just fuck off.
River: State of the Bear, with bonus cat
Apr. 22nd, 2026 10:15 pmmdlbearThis may not be the best day for writing a "state of the Bear" post, but it felt like it wanted to be written, so here I am. Mostly I just want to complain. Don't expect it to be organized.
Lately I've been having quite a bit of random pain -- mostly in my hands, in the form of trigger finger, which I assume is mostly RSI. Over the last few days I've also had trouble with my left shoulder; I sleep on that side, so it's not surprising either. (I've been treating the hands with diclofenac topical gel in the appropriate locations, and both with ibuprofen.)
I have a query in to my GP's office.
Meanwhile Ticia, my lovely old lady cat, is not doing well. She had a vet appointment Monday; she's lost a lot of weight, and according to the lab results her kidneys are failing. I'm putting her on a kidney-friendly diet, but even so I'm afraid she may not have much time left.
And I'm not all that sure about me, either.
Read it and Weep
Apr. 22nd, 2026 12:23 pmshanmonsterTwo new poems of mine went live today. You can read "Cyanotype of a Burning World" and "Weeds" at ALOCASIA.
The remarkable long essay The Cuddled Little Vice, an interrogation of Neil Gaiman and Sandman is up for a Hugo award. I binge-read it yesterday. I was a huge fan of Gaiman's works for years, and for a time in the 90s-00s, considered him a friend. I used to lament that we'd never met in person, but realize now that I dodged a bullet. This essay was cathartic for me, and I hope it wins the award.
The remarkable long essay The Cuddled Little Vice, an interrogation of Neil Gaiman and Sandman is up for a Hugo award. I binge-read it yesterday. I was a huge fan of Gaiman's works for years, and for a time in the 90s-00s, considered him a friend. I used to lament that we'd never met in person, but realize now that I dodged a bullet. This essay was cathartic for me, and I hope it wins the award.
Search maintenance
Apr. 22nd, 2026 09:19 am![[staff profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user_staff.png){kind=small}
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dw_maintenanceHappy Wednesday!
I'm taking search offline sometime today to upgrade the server to a new instance type. It should be down for a day or so -- sorry for the inconvenience. If you're curious, the existing search machine is over 10 years old and was starting to accumulate a decade of cruft...!
Also, apparently these older machines cost more than twice what the newer ones cost, on top of being slower. Trying to save a bit of maintenance and cost, and hopefully a Wednesday is okay!
Edited: The other cool thing is that this also means that the search index will be effectively realtime afterwards... no more waiting a few minutes for the indexer to catch new content.
Shakespeare Rated
Apr. 22nd, 2026 08:30 ampoliphilo Michael Billington ranks Shakespeare's plays in order of merit. These lists are great fun if only to prompt disagreement. He puts The Two Gentlemen of Verona at the bottom and Henry IV parts one and two at the top. Second to last is Cymbeline and the runner-up to Henry IV is Twelfth Night. He places Hamlet at number three with Macbeth rated just above King Lear. Coriolanus is the best of the Roman plays and he likes The Winter's Tale a good deal better than The Tempest.
Not much to quarrel with there. I've never read or seen The Two Gentlemen so I don't have an opinion on it but I'd put Cymbeline- which fascinates me- a little higher. As for the top spot, I'd give it to Hamlet....
The complete list can be found in today's Guardian.
Not much to quarrel with there. I've never read or seen The Two Gentlemen so I don't have an opinion on it but I'd put Cymbeline- which fascinates me- a little higher. As for the top spot, I'd give it to Hamlet....
The complete list can be found in today's Guardian.
Girl Genius for Wednesday, April 22, 2026
Apr. 22nd, 2026 04:00 amgirlgenius_main_feedThe Girl Genius comic for Wednesday, April 22, 2026 has been posted.
The Artisans and the Engineers [hist, eng, text, anthro]
Apr. 21st, 2026 10:19 pmsiderea(h/t conuly)
This longform article is framed as being a "ha ha isn't it wacky NASA hired a lingerie company for the Apollo missions". Ignore that. It turns out to be about an organizational culture clash around documentation and specification requirements that will speak to all the therapists and software developers in the room. Also of interest to fans of the US space program, the history of women in NASA and in tech, and clothing construction.
2023 April 14: Nautilus: "The Bra-and-Girdle Maker That Fashioned the Impossible for NASA" by Nicholas de Monchaux, Head of Architecture, MIT. Adapted from his book, Spacesuit. Recommended.
conuly)This longform article is framed as being a "ha ha isn't it wacky NASA hired a lingerie company for the Apollo missions". Ignore that. It turns out to be about an organizational culture clash around documentation and specification requirements that will speak to all the therapists and software developers in the room. Also of interest to fans of the US space program, the history of women in NASA and in tech, and clothing construction.
2023 April 14: Nautilus: "The Bra-and-Girdle Maker That Fashioned the Impossible for NASA" by Nicholas de Monchaux, Head of Architecture, MIT. Adapted from his book, Spacesuit. Recommended.
Dink Lump
Apr. 21st, 2026 11:14 amshanmonsterI haven't done a link dump in years. My open tabs have taken over my computer. Time for a cull. I'll share them with you, because you too may find them interesting.
Queer Horror with David Demchuk: An interesting talk about the history of queer horror.
Cut and Shuffle Exercise: A tutorial on poem generation.
Inuit Myth: a listing of Inuit gods and goddesses.
Rachel Attituq Qitsualik: A collection of amazing Inuit stories and lore by a master storyteller.
Caribou shooting in Newfoundland; with a history of England's oldest colony from 1001 to 1895: by Samuel T. Davis, 1838-1908. I used information from this for some essays I wrote.
the birth of Newfoundland archaeology, and the
end of history: A talk about the "first Newfoundland archaeologist" and the Beothuk
Fourth-Person Point of View. I hate that this is full of AI slop art, but I found the write-up informative.
Imaro: what may have been the first foray into the swords and sorcery genre by a Black author.
Photos from my trip to Newfoundland last year: Some gorgeous shots in here.
A Smurfy Tale: Papa Smurf Meets the Jehovah's Witnesses: This may very well be ground zero of the Jehovah's Witness urban legend about demonized Smurfs.
A Brief History of Killer Smurfs
Fabulous Animals, by David Attenborough. This is a documentary on cryptozoology that came out in 1975. Was missing for decades.
The Short List: Publishers who take stories up to 2500 words.
Anthony Casteel’s Account of Scalping Proclamations in Colonial Nova Scotia: Firsthand account of Englishmen held hostage by Mi'kmaq warriors.
Kishotenketsu - a plot structure without conflict: a four-act structure common in Asian storytelling.
Erika Krouse’s Ranking of 500-ish Literary Magazines for Short Fiction: Ranked according to circulation, reach, pay, and prestige.
How to Play a Jaw Harp: I want to work my way through these exercises and unlearn the poor technique I came up with without instruction.
Eskimo Folktales: Collected by Knud Rasmussen, these are a treasure.
A Discussion of the Inuit Artist Osuitok Ipeelee’s Sedna, Mother of the Sea Beasts
Ululijarnak: The Inuit Disembowelling Goddess: She used her knife to help people give birth and poop.
Sermerssuaq: The strongest, strangest Inuit woman ever: the Hercules of the Inuit world, and she had a giant clitoris.
The Not-Deer and Weird Appalachian Lore: Deer that don't act the way deer should.
Queer Horror with David Demchuk: An interesting talk about the history of queer horror.
Cut and Shuffle Exercise: A tutorial on poem generation.
Inuit Myth: a listing of Inuit gods and goddesses.
Rachel Attituq Qitsualik: A collection of amazing Inuit stories and lore by a master storyteller.
Caribou shooting in Newfoundland; with a history of England's oldest colony from 1001 to 1895: by Samuel T. Davis, 1838-1908. I used information from this for some essays I wrote.
the birth of Newfoundland archaeology, and the
end of history: A talk about the "first Newfoundland archaeologist" and the Beothuk
Fourth-Person Point of View. I hate that this is full of AI slop art, but I found the write-up informative.
Imaro: what may have been the first foray into the swords and sorcery genre by a Black author.
Photos from my trip to Newfoundland last year: Some gorgeous shots in here.
A Smurfy Tale: Papa Smurf Meets the Jehovah's Witnesses: This may very well be ground zero of the Jehovah's Witness urban legend about demonized Smurfs.
A Brief History of Killer Smurfs
Fabulous Animals, by David Attenborough. This is a documentary on cryptozoology that came out in 1975. Was missing for decades.
The Short List: Publishers who take stories up to 2500 words.
Anthony Casteel’s Account of Scalping Proclamations in Colonial Nova Scotia: Firsthand account of Englishmen held hostage by Mi'kmaq warriors.
Kishotenketsu - a plot structure without conflict: a four-act structure common in Asian storytelling.
Erika Krouse’s Ranking of 500-ish Literary Magazines for Short Fiction: Ranked according to circulation, reach, pay, and prestige.
How to Play a Jaw Harp: I want to work my way through these exercises and unlearn the poor technique I came up with without instruction.
Eskimo Folktales: Collected by Knud Rasmussen, these are a treasure.
A Discussion of the Inuit Artist Osuitok Ipeelee’s Sedna, Mother of the Sea Beasts
Ululijarnak: The Inuit Disembowelling Goddess: She used her knife to help people give birth and poop.
Sermerssuaq: The strongest, strangest Inuit woman ever: the Hercules of the Inuit world, and she had a giant clitoris.
The Not-Deer and Weird Appalachian Lore: Deer that don't act the way deer should.
Tags:
- beothuk,
- books,
- horror,
- indigenous,
- inuit,
- links,
- mikmaq,
- newfoundland,
- writing
Epstein-Related
Apr. 21st, 2026 07:17 ampoliphilo The British Prime Minister struggles to hold onto his job. He pretends he didn't know things he must have known and which it was his business to know. I'd be inclined to dismiss this as a headline-hogging distraction were it not for the Epstein dimension. Everything that's happening these days at the top level in politics and industry (including the entertainment industry) has an Epstein dimension- and it's this generation's business to get to the bottom of it.
Parent And Child
Apr. 20th, 2026 08:25 ampoliphilo This should have been posted yesterday so it's out of sequence. I was too embroiled in an exchange of missives/missiles to remember to transfer it over from LJ......
Parent and adult child- that's such a difficult relationship.
They may not even like one another but.....
.....The parent wants to control the child, the child wants to control the parent.
Each finds it hard to accept that the other may have different values. Neither can quite accept that the other is a separate person on a separate life path.
Parent says, "You're an actor in my play". Child says," No I ain't, you're an actor in mine."
Why must they carry on pushing and pulling until something breaks?
Parent and adult child- that's such a difficult relationship.
They may not even like one another but.....
.....The parent wants to control the child, the child wants to control the parent.
Each finds it hard to accept that the other may have different values. Neither can quite accept that the other is a separate person on a separate life path.
Parent says, "You're an actor in my play". Child says," No I ain't, you're an actor in mine."
Why must they carry on pushing and pulling until something breaks?
Blood On Blood
Apr. 20th, 2026 08:19 ampoliphilo Big bust-up yesterday with a family member. I'm not going into details.
The pot has been simmering on the hob for years. It's a relief that it's finally boiled over.
They no longer have to make nice with me and I no longer have to make nice with them.
Minimal contact is now called for. Not hostility but a merciful agreement not to go on causing one another discomfort. I don't know how this will work out in practice.
Conversation isn't really an option. We talk different languages.
The pot has been simmering on the hob for years. It's a relief that it's finally boiled over.
They no longer have to make nice with me and I no longer have to make nice with them.
Minimal contact is now called for. Not hostility but a merciful agreement not to go on causing one another discomfort. I don't know how this will work out in practice.
Conversation isn't really an option. We talk different languages.
Girl Genius for Monday, April 20, 2026
Apr. 20th, 2026 04:00 amgirlgenius_main_feedThe Girl Genius comic for Monday, April 20, 2026 has been posted.
Pua, Lilith, Ayem, Vehk(itty)
Apr. 19th, 2026 10:52 pmarchangelbethApril 16-17, I think?
Went to look at cats at the shelter.
Lilith has kidney issues. Pua has stress-related cystitis. The kittens better not have earworm on that ear...
Vet call tomorrow for everyone's first checkups to be scheduled.
Sent from my iPhone
Done Since 2026-04-12
Apr. 19th, 2026 03:26 pmmdlbearLast week had some high points: reading the draft of N's next book, and a nice zoom reunion-ish thing. (I initially thought there were two of those, but the other was last Saturday.) Also sent several emails and made two phone calls following up (well, one and a half -- I abandoned the second after looking in my spam folder and finding the reply I was hoping for), paid our property tax, and got my US taxes done to the point where I could have filed for an extension, but determined that I didn't need to because I'm living overseas.
I'm supposed to celebrate accomplishments, even small ones. Right?
On the other hand, I only took five walks (skipping one because of pain and the other because of timing) and two short guitar-practice sessions. I can try to blame the latter on hand issues, but really (on the gripping hands?) it's mostly just laziness.
I am not at all happy with my body. See above under pain, and here under diclofenac. I'm not all that old, am I? Not happy with my brain, either -- see next paragraph.
Getting back to the zoom reunion-ish thing(s): there was a 65th reunion of my high school class last year; it was in Norwalk, Connecticut on the day after Thanksgiving, and I didn't go. Which was painful, because I'd ghosted the 50th for reasons I still don't entirely understand, although suffering from burnout may have had something to do with it and makes a convenient shorthand excuse. Anyway, enough people complained about not being to go for some other classmates of mine to organize a zoom version, which was last night. It was pretty good, although I lost the thread of what I was about to say at one point, resulting in an uncomfortable pause. See above about brain.
The reunion-ish thing Saturday didn't get called out last week, so I'll mention it here. Seems every year Carleton College has a "Coffee With Carls" event, and this year they had a virtual version for people who couldn't make it to one of the cities where versions of it were hosted. (There must be a briefer and less awkward way to phrase that.) Not bad, but it got cut short by a power outage before I had a chance to speak. Maybe next year.
Huge congratulations to this year's Filk Hall of Fame inductees: Margaret Davis, Tim Griffin, and Amy McNally! 🎉
Linkies: The system prompt for Meta’s AI model got leaked in 2 hours. The two Greatest Software Systems ever built: NASA Shuttle vs TeX.
And finally, Born on [April 15] in 1921, the Singer-Songwriter Behind the Most Famous No. 1 Hit Novelty Song of the 1950s. See Wednesday for spoiler.